


I Still Love You

by yasuhiyotaka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ? - Freeform, Absent Characters, Angst and Feels, Castiel Has a Crush on Sam Winchester, Castiel Talks About Feelings (Supernatural), Castiel is Not Oblivious (Supernatural), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Pining, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sam Winchester is Loved, Sleeping Together, Sleepy Cuddles, but it's wholesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasuhiyotaka/pseuds/yasuhiyotaka
Summary: Who cares? Sam doesn’t overall. Who does? Why does anyone have to do anything. It’s just so stupid. Why like yourself when you can be in self pity? Castiel cares. He’s always cared. He just has to show it now.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	I Still Love You

Sam is a beautiful man. He's got everything with looks and personality. What more could you ask for? Castiel says this with more passion than anything. He loves Sam Winchester more than earth itself and would give up anything to have him. Castiel doesn't understand why Sam doesn't understand. Maybe it's a mutual with the Winchesters. They all seem so oppressed with any signs of goodness. Given the fact any compliment was turned into a sad chuckle with teary eyes. All Castiel wanted to do was give Sam a chance at life. A normal life perhaps. That life wasn't given to people like them though. So Castiel did his best to comply. Cas wants to spend his last years with Sam. Giving him the best of life. Castiel will always give himself up for Sam. He cares. More than anything. Who wouldn’t? Maybe Dean, Dean seem like he doesn’t care. They all hope he does. Dean can be harsh. That’s tough love, right? It still hurts at times. Castiel doesn’t forgive, but he tries anyway. Who wouldn’t? Maybe Castiel is to soft. But, everyone is just little. Right? Cas hopes he’s not wrong. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself. Castiel took the whole ‘I’m sorry cas, I was just to much of a bastard to realize what I was doing’ argument to a different standard then Dean did. Dean thought it went like,’Yes of course Dean. I forgive you. Now let’s go back to focusing on you forever.’ But Castiel took it as ‘I understand, but I do not forgive you.’ Simple. Sam has never upset him to that much of an extent. Thats why he loves Him. Sam understand others, just not himself. All Castiel wanted to do was show him that it’s okay to worry about yourself. It’s not selfish, nor is it greed. It’s care. 

“Sam, it’s late,” Castiel frowns. Sam stops tapping his pencil and looks up at Cas,”I know, but I’m so close to finding out what took Dean! Give me.. another 50 minutes! I-I’ve almost got this.. I’m so close.” The desperation in Sam’s voice broke Castiel’s heart. Dean went missing months ago, it’s almost been a year. Their running out of luck. Sam has gone years without Dean, but they were so close to finding out how to get God. It didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right nowadays. But what conclusion could you come up with that context? “You.. said that last that.. for the past 2 hours...” Sam continues to look at Castiel, puppy eyes bigger then ever. “This is your last time. I’m sorry Sam. But you cannot burn your life away finding your brother. You might have to face the facts..”

“50 minutes.. you promised..” Sam goes back into the book. Flipping the pages, following some sentences with his finger. Ruffling his hair a few times. It worries Castiel to an extent. His Sammy was in pain, so much he couldn’t even tell. Watching from a distance, he can tell how much damage is being done. Sam’s hair is falling out, his nails cut short from him biting them. Sam has become skinny, eating nothing but whatever is forced down his throat. Castiel never wanted to hurt him, but it was for the greater good. “I promised to keep you safe.. not this..” Castiel leaves the library to go get a cup of water for Sam. He knows Sam wont drink it, but just Incase... Sam never ends up drinking it.

Castiel comes back, he’s looking down at his shoes. It keeps him distracted from what will come next.

To his surprise, Sam is asleep. It’s been a week since his last doze. The days just don’t keep getting better. The sight makes him a little calm, Sam looks relaxed. He’s needed this, Castiel nods. Walking towards Sam, Cas starts to take off his trench coat. When he comes near, Cas puts it around Sam. Sam tilted his head into the collar of the coat, breathing in the scent of the angel. It calmed him. “I’m sorry I can’t be more help. You are not giving me many choices.” He tells Sam, who is rather deep in sleep. Castiel chuckles as if Sam had replied anyway,”You’re so great to me. I wish you could understand..” Cas shakes his head dismissively. “Time to get you to bed..” He picks Sam up bride style. Sam immediately clings onto Castiel. “I just wish.. things could be different. You know? We’ll find Dean, but you need to find yourself first. I don’t want you getting hurt. You already look bad. Maybe one day you’ll understand.” Sam nods absently. He can hear, but not understand. The voice is talking so fast, but he knows it’s Cas. 

Castiel walks through the halls of the bunker, counting the doors silently. Getting to Sam's room wasn't hard. It was easy, but Castiel just wants to hold Sam longer. To feel him. I just felt so right to have Sam in his arms. Cas did not want to lose the feeling. The angel was suppose to have Sam in bed already, but just stood in-front of the door. The bunker was silent, the only sound was of breathing. Oh how Castiel loved hearing him breath. It was rather weird, but it made him feel alive. Hearing Sam, any noise he made, felt like heaven. It was wrong in so many ways. Why should he care what others thought, it only matter about what Sam thought. That is all that will matter. But he will never know. So that was okay. Anything with Sam was okay. Cas would never tell him how obsessive he was over him. This was Sam, he couldn't imagine messing up his close relationship. It took forever for them to create the bond. He wasn't going to mess up. Castiel loved Sam, but he'd make Sam come to terms whit his own feelings. Castiel did not want to force Sam into a something he did not want. Hurting Sam was an unforgivable thing. Cas would never want to.

Castiel opens the door and walks towards the bed setting Sam down. Then walks back to the door to close it. Cas sits on the edge of the bed, staring at Sam blindly. "You look so beautiful. I wish you could realize it," He says to the silent air. The angel gets up from his spot and goes to rest near Sam. Hes done this multiple times, knowing Sam likes someone near him when he sleeps. Sam is still covered with Castiel's trench coat, so he doesn't have to worry about a blanket. He pust his arm around Sam and pulls him closer to his chest. Sam rest his head on the angel's chest. Castiel smiles softly looking down at Sam,"I love you Sam Winchester. I always will. I hope you don't forget. Nothing would make me hate you." Although it's a very one-sided conversation. It still felt right. "I don't know what I would do without you. I could tell you so many things. Things that would make feel so special. You are already so special.." the angel keeps looking down at Sam. He leans in and kisses the top of his head. "You are so, so, so, so, special.. you are the only reason I would stay.. for anything. I am so lucky to have you with me.." Castiel keeps rambling on about nothing in particular. He just keeps complimenting his Sam. "Oh my dear boy, you're so pretty. I've always loved your hair. I always hated when others put their nasty hands on your beautiful hair. So, so, so beautiful.." Cas runs his hands through Sam's hair. It makes him whimper softly, Cas stops immediately. Guilt washes over him as he begins to kiss Sam's hair. Apologizing a thousands times. Giving out every excuse you could imagine. Sam just responded with a nuzzle under Cas' chin. "You forgive me?" Sam nods. Castiel smiles brightly,"Oh you're _to_ good to me, what did I do to deserve you? Sometimes I think.. God is alright." (Yeah, go ahead and sue me.) Cas kisses the corners of Sam's mouth. 

He was so happy to have these little moments with him. His partner, his lover, his everything. One day Sam will love Castiel back. That day will be a day to end all days. 

Overall, who cares? Castiel does, and now.. Sam does too, just a little more than usual. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! After two days of this nonsense. I have finally finished it! I wanted to go for the very wholesome side of Sastiel. So this is what you bastards are getting. I'll have to make sure my Tumblr hears about this. Another two fics will be coming soon. So if you guys liked this, umm, more is gonna come! (I dunno how to link so, my Tumblr is, westillcare) Go yell at me there about how bad the writing was.


End file.
